Where is my next dwelling place?

My first childhood home on Mansfield, built by my Dad

My spirit is feeling stirred. Maybe in not such a great way, I think to 
myself. Becoming more unsettled? Yes, that is it. I know something is coming up. Maybe not immediately but something is getting ready to separate me from this present place where my heart rest. That feeling of boxes, packing tape and that annoying loud bubble wrap and ugly tan paper causes a queazy stomach.

Recently I helped a wonderful couple downsize from their home of 20 years to a smaller beautiful space. I have done this work before as a "Move Manager," so I know the inner turmoil. I listen to the words being spoken and the signs to encourage them when needed. When people have two feet in separate homes it is a tough place. You are drawn to the old home and the comforts. On the other foot trying to adapt your treasures into a new place and feel like you can make an imprint into the new is mentally exhausting on top of the physical. Not every shoe is made to fit, nor is a home. Sure enough, tiredness set in and the words came out, “I want to go home.” She said as she stood at the new kitchen sink. My lower lip formed a pouty face for her.

“To where the hearts inclined, the feet will follow.” 

                                       Robin Jones Gunn

In my life sometimes I have to look for the subtler hints that God gives me. Last summer I read a book that stirred my spirit. The story was so similar to mine. The author’s tale of selling a home she loved that had great heart history in order to pay a debt. Ok, did that twice, so lets pretend to move on. Or a book given as a gift that focus’s on “Nesting.” Based on how to find that happy place as you rent.  The intention was to give me pleasure in seeing how someone else does life as a Interior Designer in a home that is rented.  But deep within the message was encouragement to view that place of joy in the midst of not so perfect. Having to rent. Then a 3rd book, the latest fiction by Robin Jones Gunn. Not again a story on.. you guessed it, knowing a move is unfolding. Really?  Ok so I get the message. 

             Loud speaker warms up. 

PREPARE your Heart! 

Where is your dwelling place?  It can vary you know. For many, it is a person or being close to those that are familiar that you love. Perhaps it could be in a current or former home, camper or a location you grew up near.  For many it is in the heart or for others in the spirit. Some attach their heart to a event or a time they remember that was so hopeful. Is there such a place in your world with the tumultuous times around you that makes you feel safe?  

From a large home to a camper This is my brave girlfriend!

It is starting to sear my space, lose my place and tear my peace. 

If ..Oh if, I allow it to.

I recently read a story about a very large group of people who were set free from captivity. A very unsafe place. They traveled miles to escape and encountered many road blocks. They turned and looked back and could see the enemy coming after them again. The enemy regretted setting them loose. The chasing pressed these people up against a large expanse of water. Low and behold the people running found an opening in front of them and crossed over. Next they had to look in for their source of provision of food and water in the midst of weariness. Also, signs of light to guide them so they would not get lost by night or by day. Sounds tough huh? Can you imagine not knowing where you were going and what is in front of you?

They finely arrived to a very nice region that was offered to them with a couple conditions. They were too scared to accept the gift. So they sent in some bold family member to check it out. Upon their return three said it was very very good. Others said it was nice but they saw some tough people who look to big to fight in order to posses their land.  And the story unfolds more.

Many family members balked and said take me back to my former captivity. They knew how to handle the familiar. Those were the ones who lived in fear of the unknown but hated the fear of the former. Then others paused and thought some more. They sat and talked about it and decided they would go for it and do what was asked of them. In their hesitation they lost their timing. After much uncertainty some went and fought for that victory. Many family members died and so did the favor upon them. Their time expired. Why you ASK?  The gift was offered. Yes, But they did not trust the giver. The giver sees the heart and knows what’s best.

How many of us chose to go to a new place. Job, state or situation, but unfamiliarity over takes us. Fear creeps in or a voice speaks, the obstacles are too big.

Some of you recognize this story of the Exodus to the Promised Land. Many of us can imprint this story over our own. Fear, timing, not sticking it out, not trusting what the small voice said. Or simply mot be courageous!

Where is your place of belonging, of resting in turmoil or peace? What? 

You know, the place where your heart rests nightly when you quiet down and breathe in the night air? 

Come all who are weary with your heavy loads:

 lay down your burden, find rest for your soul.

 Living inside a mystery of where your journey is going is a hard place to be.  I want to shake people who have lived in the same place for twenty something years and say do you realize how wonderfully fabulous this is? That was me in 2003. Taking it all for granted. Before the rug got pulled out from under me and packed. But I stand on prayer. Do not be dismayed Rebekah, or hopeless. Your God, though quiet, is actively working behind the scenes and pulling circumstances together for your good. You have an active hidden role in how it is playing out and the timing. He waits and we react, and we react and he waits. It’s a tug of love even if you feel like it is a war!

I am reminded of this verse that is one of my favorites. “He or she that dwells in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.” Ps. 91

In my email drafts I keep a special letter to myself. Its been there for years. Here is what it says. Simple truth. Feel free to copy it, and insert your name. Rest your heart in near the presence of peace and security. Psalm 91

 1   Rebekah dwells in the shelter of the Most High 

     and rests in the shadow of the Almighty.  

 2   Rebekah says of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my        

       fortress my God, in whom I trust." 

 3  Surely he saves Rebekah from the fowler's snare 

       and from the deadly pestilence. 

 4  He covers Rebekah with his feathers, 

       and under his wing Rebekah's shield and rampart. 

 5  Rebekah does not fear the terror of night, 

       nor the arrow that flies by day, 

 6  nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, 

       nor the plague that destroys at midday. 

 7  A thousand may fall at Rebekah's side, 

       ten thousand at her right hand, 

       but it will not come near her. 

 8  Rebekah will only observe with her eyes 

       and see the punishment of the wicked. 

 9   Rebekah makes the Most High her dwelling— 

       even the LORD, who is her refuge- 

 10 then no harm befalls her, 

       no disaster comes near her tent. 

 11 For he commands his angels concerning Rebekah 

       to guard her in all his ways; 

 12 they lift him up in their hands, 

       so that she will not strike his foot against a stone. 

 13  Rebekah treads upon the lion and the cobra; 

         she tramples the great lion and the serpent. 

 14 "Because Rebekah loves me," says the LORD, "I  will          

        rescue her; I protect her, for she acknowledges my                      name.

 15  Rebekah calls upon me, and I answer her; 

       I am with her in trouble, 

       I deliver her and honor him. 

 16 With long life I will satisfy Rebekah 

       and show her my salvation."

Notes:

I was reading “Victim of Grace” By Robin Jones Gunn

“The Nesting Place” by Myquillyn Smith

“Home of our Hearts” By Robin Jones Gunn

The Bible, NIV

EXODUS comes from two greek words meaning “exit” or “way out.” 

The Waiting Room

KP and his dog

Sitting in the waiting room. What a unbearable place to be. Those stiff chairs and stares across the room as you see others who are also uncomfortable waiting for news.  I have had that experience quite often in the last few years. Now I find myself sitting at home for our next step and praying. Also in this time I am hoping, for a reversal of a condition for our dear friend whom I am afraid to let go of. 

Simplest of still water. A place to refresh

                 The other day I woke up uncommonly relaxed with no agenda. My husband mentioned we should call our friend as we had not spoked to him since Superbowl Sunday. My concern kicked in after I called and his voice mail which was uncommonly full still after a week.This has never happened in all the years of our triweekly communication.  My relaxed state was gone. Being that he lived out of state I researched my mail and found a common link to contact and emailed this gentleman to see KP’s status.

We had discovered our friends had hidden the severity of his health condition. He had taken a turn for the worse. My husband and I were shocked. He had dropped us clues in former conversation but never revealed the true diagnose. My solid diving platform which was my stability was knocked out from under me and I felt my soul going deep into old familiar territory. The uncertainty was swirling like a deep sea dive into the dark void of the ocean. This was a man who I turned to for Godly wisdom. He was as close as a brother but wise like a Father. We had the common thread of faith. I mean really strong. He could walk up to a stranger and tell them about Jesus with no embarrassment. I loved that about him!

His Momma's beautiful perfume bottle. 

I had become complacent that he would always be in my life. I believe he had his health concerns handled. My girlfriend had mentioned several times weeks ago she felt the urgency for me to go and see him. I had brushed off her words. I wish I could take that time back. Because I can’t, I deal with the now. Rear view mirrors make me miserable.

When you find yourself in uncomfortable situations you can turn it into action in the natural and prayer in the unseen spiritual world. So we prayed and flew to Phoenix.

His family for this season has become all of the friends who adore him as he never married. He was taken into a home of a high school friend. Talk about kindness! Hospice was notified and the waiting of not hearing has turned into a waiting of not knowing. 

We were usher into his quiet room. We found out that within 24 hrs he could no longer get out of bed on his own. Our window of time was still barely ajar.

KP''s visit with me in Sedona

 I got on his bed held his hand and we spoke to him of great memories over the years.  I played a song my sister had left for him on my voice mail and my dad called and spoke of their great times together and of their future residence in heaven. My husband who is a tender guy kept doing those big gulps and sighs of emotion. For some reason I got up and went and knelt on the opposite side of his bed and realized he had not seen me earlier due to lose of vision on the left side. He was very aware we were their and my husband who has a gift of healing in certain situations prayed for him. We read him Psalm 91 and 103. I wanted to stay and hold his hands for the next several days. As we forced ourselves to say goodbye, I leaned over and Said, “KP, I love you.”  His only words of the day flooded to my hearts he replied. “I love you too Becky!” Oh my! I will cherish those words for a long time. I had asked God for some sign and I got it. 

His former outside porch

Upon our return 3 states away I thanked my husband for praying. For being bold in that obedience of asking God for healing. My husband said that was not the amazing part for him but my strength and being the rock. You know both are needed at times and we fit together like a puzzle. Gods workmanship, not ours.

God controls the time

So we sit in our home waiting. We have learned how to wait. I did not say we liked it.  We are waiting on a defined corner as God forms our future plans. We have given God space and our hourglass to flip. 

Our friend is lying in, “the valley of the shadow of death.” My aunt says. “Its a place where you want to stay with the familiar of those you love. But God is calling you forward.  We give God the space to do his work. Even the breathe of hope that he would return him to us healed. See Update Below

A part of his work of art..

How are you handling the waiting room you are presently sitting in? Are you trusting God who loves you and is there to see you through this time? Are you allowing him the space to care and show his love even in the simplest of things like a window of time left ajar to say I love you…

Do you know your salvation is at hand? Only you can choose? It is through the one who forgives and loves you like no other. My friend would tell you straight up you need Jesus. No More Waiting! The redeeming blood of the cross and the one who died for you to give you eternal life. So I stand in his place and tell you to ask God for forgiveness of your sins and that you want him to live in your heart. Please do not wait!

The Lord Is My Shepherd

A Psalm of David.

1The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

2He makes me lie down in green pastures.

He leads me beside still waters.

3He restores my soul.

He leads me in paths of righteousness

for his name’s sake.

4Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil,

for you are with me;

your rod and your staff,

they comfort me.

5You prepare a table before me

in the presence of my enemies;

you anoint my head with oil;

my cup overflows.

6Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me

all the days of my life,

and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord

forever.

Update: Our Dear Friend went to be with the Lord Feb. 12th at 4:32 A.M. Surrounded and loved. His Celebration of Life service is March 14, 2015 at the East Chapel of Scottsdale Bible Church, I believe at 3 P.M.

What are you waiting for? Lord Jesus, I need You. Thank You for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life and receive You as my Savior and Lord. Thank You for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Take control of the throne of my life. Make me the kind of person You want me to be.

Reset 10,9,8,7,6....

A new drawing journal next to the old.

 Don’t you just dig countdowns? I do! “The reversal of order before a significant event! Like a New Year! Fresh and without history! 

Yes this girl loves it when things are                        RESET! Welcome 2015..

So thankful for advancement and BFF's

Last month I was watching the Orion launch in Florida and over and over NASA would for various reasons reset the countdown. I can still hear them doing the 10,9,8,7 count and then stop. Disappointment would hit my heart as the holding pattern was in place. Then the recount would start. Hope would then rebuild and then again a new hold. It took Orion 4 times and 24 hours to get to their perfect send off. The results of patience and success high above the sky. Jubilant joy emerged from Florida and within the hearts of many who invested their lives into the project. 

WHAT HAVE YOU INVESTED IN YOUR HEART? 

WHAT IS YOUR RESET? 

I have many things I have put on hold.  I thought it was God. Hmm Was it?

Would God hold my challenges or my destiny? Or is it the pain of refining that I have put on hold?

Philippians 3:13-14  “Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”

Journaling through a dark time in 2014. Zeph 3:17

Because much of my life I have not been able to control outcomes or misjudged outcomes I come with many forced resets. It reminds me of a jammed garbage disposal. You stick your hand down in to the muck to try and clear it and see what the issue is. You then do the broom handle in there to un-jar it. Then you put your finger on the reset button and hold your breath. Every so often we need to clean out the garbage and go fresh!

Now's the time to reflect and RESET

Recently I was reminded by someone I adore, of where I was stuck. It was not an easy word to receive but one needed as the New Year approached. When you get those words you can swirl and spin and not heed the words. But truth has a way of drilling deep into your soul if you belong to Christ. I could and did make excuses that I was tired, burdened, without my usual core of help but ultimately it was my responsibility to see what changes needed to happen and choose to reset.  When you are stuck in the disposal of your life you really have to search for the joy in the stuck. It stretches you like no other. My lesson reminded me that Christ came to give me a fresh reset whenever I ask Him and heed his discipline. Everyday we wake up and a have a literal reset and with that fresh excitement! We do not have to wait for a New Year.

Take off your hold and Celebrate You!

As we sit in this new season of time, this 2015. We have a chance to be thankful for the reset. Because the foundation of the world was set before our birth, God called and chose me by name. I Rebekah get a continual reset of a clean slate through God’s Son Jesus. The one I belong to. A sacrificial reset just for me!

When you are facing difficulties and disappointments, remember who you are--where you came from and who you belong to, says the Lord. I have chosen you and called you by your name, and you belong to Me. I am the King of Glory. You are being transformed into My image. Do not live beneath your station, but live by grace in My kingdom.  

Isaiah 51:1 "Listen to Me, you who follow after righteousness, you who seek the LORD: Look to the rock from which you were hewn, and to the hole of the pit from which you were dug."

This year I am looking forward to the new open door with my specific dream key. Stretching to have ears to hear the whisper of the Holy Spirit. Things might not get easier but they will be held with fresh eyes and a Reset Heart!

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: the old has gone, the new is here.” 
2 Corinthians 5:17  

Happy New Reset!

A Fork To My Heart (I am not the pillsbury dough girl)

I really didn’t think I would ever post this blog I wrote months ago. But when push comes to shove or in this case a poke comes to your heart there is no avoiding the inevitable mirror or the clothes of summer.

So I have a disclaimer to my friends and family. This is my take! My thoughts! My journey! Don’t take any of this personal. If you feel my examples are about you it might be or not. If you are offended then maybe if you can give it good listen, you will hear my heart.

I come from a family whose father owned health clubs. Yep, the nice one where you can get any service you desire except for help in the soul area. So of course the family was expected to be in shape. Somewhere along the way words were spoken, boundaries ignored, and feelings hurt. Openly criticizing my few extra pounds in my 40’s. Attending those darn family gathering where you knew a comment or two were the order of the menu. I would put up a shield for those days when I knew the comment was going to spill out of those lips that just greeted you with a kiss! It’s not like you didn’t just spend an agonizing hour getting dressed. Changing outfits that would maybe hide ten, thirty or more pounds. Or making sure the rest of your appearance looked great so you would feel ok.

You see for twenty some years I have cried out in my journal various things but the one constant has been my weight. I can say at times I do not care but I really do! I want to overcome this obstacle. Others have come to peace with their weight but I have not. I totally understand each place of this weighted journey. This has so many facets that revolve around my mind and life and heart. Ugh!

But recently I did not expect words from my client who thought if she jabbed my side and made a comment that it would all of a sudden drive me to the elliptical. Sometimes you just can’t wear enough teflon to coat that heart of yours! I pondered all day what I did to make her react and lash out at me. Because that is what people do. They hurt when hurt. I have done that to others and they to me. I am so very sorry!

Many of you know I married a jock. The first time he saw me I was running stairs for gym class and then running again for tennis team. All 105 pounds of a 15 year old girl. Yep he liked that blond in the leotard. The one who rode horses, swam on the summer team, beat him in tennis. He thought he was getting that package. Whoops. Sorry babe! This girl who was pushed to be competitive was so uncomfortable with it. Being on 2nd team when she strived for first. Saying no please don’t make me do this sport inwardly to my mom. Thinking, Mom you love that sport, not me.  Its the wrong daughter who likes to ride horses. Its her dream not mine. This started to create a protective shell.  This is where i learned to just go along with what others chose for me.

Recently I was on guard to dodged a direct hit I was expecting in the area of my weight. You know who and when to expect them from. But it came in a different way that took me off guard. It slammed the heart of someone I adore who has wounds like mine. The deliver of the words was oblivious to their well meaning words. It hurt the receiver. They thought they were helping with a new idea and encouragement. Instead a new wound puncture jabbed their heart. It was unseen. I like them have many.

The unexpected lecture: The person who cares about you sits opposite you. They get that caring voice and they start to suggest one of many ways to get your weight off!  If you are one of those concerned helpers, really listen.  Just stop. Hush!  This does not help.  I..WE..HAVE..HEARD..IT.. ALL.  Here are a few example: “Do you want to do fitness pal with me? Or, “Maybe if you had a incentive it would give you the push you need.”  Or, the bribe. “I’ll buy you a _____ if you lose ____ pounds.”  Then, comes the recommendations. “Have you tried weight watchers new program or such and such a .com?”  “Have you read that new christian book or seen that movie star’s weight loss program?  And,“ Those new Garcinia something pills are suppose to work.”  

 YOU ARE NOT HELPING, NOR ARE YOU ORIGINAL!  

We see you coming, Enough of that.  :/

Not to make excuses, but its my blog, so I will :) So I’ll get real. My mind has comebacks to my self talk dialogues. Here’re my un-original responses.  Some out loud and some as a silent play back.  So you think sir,” I have gained weight?  Have you not looked at your belly and plate portion?”  Or  “Hormones and age do slow it all down, Really!”  “Have you had 5 children and lost the weight 4 times?“  Whoops I forgot to lose for the third time with that fifth child who is now 18.. Or to the young women in their 20’s or 30’s who work out as their main hobby. I want to say, “I have been there with free time and I looked great!  But until you experienced weight gain or motherhood, don’t look at me with disgust!  I know you look amazing now but life will happen. Babies will come and you will get too comfortable.” Or,” Have you not thought maybe my path of life has cut my heart open so I’ll deal with it my way?” Or “ Someone you love will bring sorrow upon you or reject you.” And, “Life and death happen. Someone you love will die and it will hurt, you might comfort your self.” Everyone handles these things differently. Obviously, mine have over stacked. I handle it with tears, sarcasm and food.

Over the years I have watched many fix their weight issue with surgery. That has never been the path for me. I don’t know why but it hasn’t. I think back to the days when I was so thin from unhealthiness of my heart where I barely ate. I starved myself into a size 6 when size sixes were two’s. And even the years where I worked it off so I could eat that day. Yes maintenance through exercise I have done that too!  

I know my triggers and I at times I can stop it. But that day after the jab in the side, I wanted to hit the self destruct button. I was thinking the enemy wants you to react like this. It will helps his cause to keep you fat and wounded.  If only I could pause and wait, the weight issue. Figure out how to not react ….without eating. But revenge of, ”I’ll show you has been my go to reaction.” Please let me comfort my heart with something! Please! 

I really hate the library of videos that I can play of these scenarios. For example: over hearing others talk about me, sneer at me. You do your best to forgive them but it comes up and bites you occasionally. Words hurt and sting and jab and it is like a hot searing in the plank of wood with those wood burning pens. It spells out some awful words into your soul. My heart has broken many times with tears. I have curled up in my bed, I have run a mile but the words are seared. They just burn.

Sweets at the end of the tunnel!

My sister in law told me once and I remember it to this day. Bek just keep doing the right things and when that day comes where your heart is healed, the weight will not be a issue. So I attempt to do those things. I fail a lot. I know my root of this issue has not been fully dug up to bring about that healing she talked about. I do believe she is right on. I can see that day! I dream of that day.

So, at this point after trying so many things, i.e. from books to fat burning pills, to a week at Pritikin, to working out to justify a meal, to losing weight for a life event to fasting. I am changing my view to working at creating my healed heart. This could be done in a instant or over time. With a work out or a prayer. I do not know. But I have to trust this process. I am laying down man’s solutions. Other’s voices! I am attempting at making smart choices in the natural. Knowing there are days I will fail. I can not be legalistically bound to man’s ideas. You might think I am crazy, but this is my journey.

Over the years I know what my heart issues are. Some I have talked about and some that are hidden away for a day when they can be shared to help others.  But for now, I continue to look in the heart mirror for the reflection of my Savior who created me beautifully, “inside and out” ! I hold on to that. Seriously, He died for my stupid issue. I have a plaque by the side of my bed that reads,  “Rebekah, Daughter of the most high King “ That I am! 

I am the King’s daughter! That is my heavenly truth. My scale is not.

The Girl with Two Fathers!

She has two Fathers in her world. 

They observe and find delight in this girl and cast their love upon her. She abides in the shadow of their wisdom and safety. Upon birth she meets her Father who will raise her and adore and adorn her.

You can see her footprints as she works her life throughout the trails of days and miles. She flitters on the tips of her toes. She dodges the snares. If you look you can see her dance at the amusement of her Daddy. Swirling and jumping her hands moving and her feet prance. She is pure and full of joy. She is fresh and lovely and feels loved and adored. Her smile is broad upon her face. The faithfulness of her two Fathers is her shield.

She runs free as the years accelerate in her youth. She has new growth but still see no danger around her as she trust the world she plays in. Her hair is tousled by the weeds of life and the guardian feathers that cover her. The journey has started to hardened her feet. At times she hides in the trees from her simple disobedience. But she is always loved and wanted. Even if at times the business of her earthly Father has forced a uncomfortable distance. Her other Father is standing quietly along side of her whispering encouragement. 

Age has her yearning to be held close like that of her toddler years. Sometimes the hugs are so healing and other times so distant. Her physical Father has become more occupied by his life events and lack of time together has brought a tear. She has a mixed yearning as she steps out to explore her life. But the Father is there. She is the apple of his eye. 

No trouble can befall her in the quiet place and the light of day as the arrows fly by her. She runs the path of life as she grows. She contemplates her surroundings. The flowers and the butterflies. The smell of sawdust and horses, animals all around her bring her delight. The movement of the trees and the wind around her. She seeks out blue sky and hides under the green branches like a cocoon. The intricacies of creation has her intrigued. She hears the sound of soothing water and birds chirping all around her. She picks up the fruit and sees a mirrored image and know she is the reflection of her Father’s. She turns deep within as it gives her a feeling of safety. Her quietness keeps her alone but also has created a easy fortress that gives her a false hope of security.

Food and nourishment comes in many forms. The guidance she needs is given during these meals and she feels full. The food at the table before her is a great feast that feeds her body but the dessert is the word that quenches the deep rich place.That food stays like a seed planted and gives comfort at the time it’s needed. Her Father’s feed her well and teach her about the enemy. They hope she has ears to hear the truth placed within her above the bustling of the dishes.

In the darkness of her own space danger has approached to test her faith. The darkness that has seeped in has made her sit up in her night hours of where she dwells. Sounds and alarms go off within her as the presence approaches her. The feeling is unseen. What does a little girl’s mind understand about the unseen? The inner scream wants for it to stay in the corner of the room away from her. She can not cry out in the night. She is frozen in her bed. Her sleep in this quiet space wants so badly to come. Even the night light cast shadows. The shadow she imagines stalks her room. The beauty of this girl is not harmed but protected by the unseen angelic guard. The dark presence is pushed back and sleep comes again. She is protected by her Father that guards her.  She remembers the words spoken that 10,000 will fall at her right hand that guard her as she drifts off. In the morning she forgets about the terror of the night.

Journey’s broaden and her earthly Father get about his work. Growth and age brings security that all is well with his daughter. But the heavenly Father’s always stays on guard close with love. All encompassing love. For some reason the daughter also pushes back as she enters the open meadow. Her feet run from path to path. Distance feels like an intriguing call with her name pulling her. Free will comes forth!  She is too young to understand. Once more as she runs she goes faster and faster. Further from safety of both Father’s care. The trees are thick in the orchard. So many open possibilities. In her hunger the fruit draws her and she choose’s to eat it.  She is much like Eve as she listens to a voice that leads her astray. Her father’s motion to her but they allow her free will to drive her. The paths she chooses takes her away. But she is still loved and watched over.

As she grows her choices betray her and birth curses. Truth is imprisoned deep within her fortress. Weeds have grown tall. Her path and her feet are shackled. She works hard to hear the message she is loved and wanted. She does not understand the things that hurt. She forgets her Father’s names as she grows into independence. She believes they abandoned her and many messages feed her lies. She feels she has no value as the world spins. The distant has her Fathers watching the refined moments that tear and sear her.  When is the pain so great she seeks relief? When is the independence and rebellion ready to be submitted?

What she feels is her new freedom from life bondages has her head turning. Her body is starting to ache from the fast run.  She looks around the vast forest for her Father and falls on her knees  As she touches the earth the sound of soothing water quiets her as she remembered what peace felt like. She is drawn to a stream and makes her way to the refreshment of living waters. She rejoices as she finds her Father awaiting her in the cool of the day. The fine sand feels so good upon her feet as she enters the water. The once chosen rocky path breaks free. She hears her Father voice as she comes out of the deep and feels freedom. Cleansing love has broken through. Nothing can separate her from this Father. Good gifts are there and coming. She is washed clean in the flow of the water. She steps back on her path as she rejoices in becoming unshackled by her choices. Her dancing feet return, set free from all that held her down.

In life God has given us our earthly Father to care and provide tangible love and comfort. They teach us the way on this earth. I am ever so thankful for my Dad who has loved me. Encouraged me. And prayed for me the desires of the heart that his heavenly father has shown him for me. I celebrate the journey and the times I needed and felt his love and the times he allowed me to journey alone and grow into the woman I have become. 

But the God of the Universe, whom I call my Abba Father, is the one I now spiritually grow and journey with as my earthly Fathers life enters into his latter years. I look for the leading and prompting of the power and direction of this Father, who created me in the dark secret place. I rejoice that on this day I have been gifted with two Fathers!

The bread and the wine fill my deep hunger all in one meal. The overflow will bring needed peace and I will walk and call upon his hand to guide me in my present journey. He opens my blessings and brings the sun and the rain to fall. He also shows his promises to me in his rainbow as he wills!

Do you know my Abba Father? 

He is the lover of my soul!

He brings me eternity!

It's that season! Dropping the heart strings!

Ouch! Who pulled that string? Astonished I should have had been prepared. It has happened enough times over the years of motherhood. But not to this degree with this child. Busyness has a way of blinding you to prepare mentally for what is ahead! So how does it feel to have another one of those invisible attached stings to your heart surprise you as it tugs? Sometimes it’s a pull and other times a severed release of letting go. Like a tooth being pulled in a young child’s mouth. You know its going to happen. The string is tied on.  Anticipation. The grimace expectant face. Bam!  A piece is gone. The string drops to the floor and a small bit of bleeding occurs. 

There is a time for everything, and a season

 for every activity under the heavens.

Looking back at being a new Momma I remember the beginning of the love bond. At nine months a natural cut of that which sustains life of the umbilical cord is severed between mother and child. Upon this cut we are designed by God to love this child and help them grow into independent adults. But we are invisibly connected. a threaded needle lacing the outside of a valentine heart. The unseen love-strings keep looping back and forth between our heart to our loved one. From the moment of each event or special moment, draws a new string of that love link. 

 With varying degree's we feel waves of moments poured into a ocean of our heart, ebbing and flowing as a tide. Theirs and ours. Watching their first smile, first step or even standing on a school stage singing a precious ditty. Your heart overflows with joy. You can feel your hand go to your chest covering up your heart trying to contain it all. Who has not done that hand on the heart motion? Could that also be a motion to stop the overflow of a sentiment? You just want to say, “please stop a moment while I take this in or just slow it down.”  This moment happens faster than our feelings can process!

This is that season!  As school ends for the new season of summer break, hearts are being reconfigured. The accomplishments are marked through celebration. Families are going through seasons of change. But behind the scenes are the moms who have had to allow the taut heart strings to be pulled, and dropped to ease the attachment as their children mature. They have little time to process so they shove it back into their overflowing heart. The letting go of heart strings is not only for the parents, but important to the child. 

The change seems so simple as you begin your journey of raising each other. With the many layer the heart has a way of disguising the depth of the soul attachments.There comes that one memorable moment in time when it hits. I visualize it as the moment God opens the door to their destiny and they walk through it. Each with a different gait. Either prodded, pushed, or willingly looking for the new adventure.

It all makes you hurt and makes you smile at the same time! 

Years ago I read a timely book by Carol Kuykendall that was called “Give them Wings.” Carol talks about being a family in flux on a journey to transition. When my oldest graduated from High School back in 1998, I had worked through this book many months prior and thought, “Boy that helped! That was not so bad!”  Several years later I graduated two more. As the kids filtered down I thought I had it handled.

He heals the brokenhearted, binding up their wounds PS 147:3

As my fifth and last child graduated. I knew I could put off the final heart string release for that child's chapter until the coming fall departure. But sometimes things can just twist and you have to face it one way or another.

The day after graduation we put our fourth child, a daughter on a plane to study abroad. The big tug started to tumble down into the wide open meadow of my heart! 

Her preparation was so busy it kept us both unprepared for the journey. Blessed to have my oldest who is a counselor give me the signals! “How are you doing?” she would ask. I knew she was watching me. I was postponing all forms of emotions, thinking this is not the time for heavy processing!  My head was full of details from my sons graduation and summer plans. As my daughter melted at good-bye in the concourse, I sucked it up and did the, stuff the emotions and bag it routine. Then my husband did his version of the “quick eye drip and be done” method.  We all processed this differently. We survived the small eruption, knowing the up coming volcano will be heating up soon enough.

With life there are many sunrises, as God prepares you for the sunsets. Moms do you know the family you see in your photo right now, will forever be changing? Some departing, some added in. In the season of downsizing, empty nesting, I can’t allow this baggage to sit. I will turn my face to the new season much like my husband the coach does. I will look for the things of hopeful anticipation, hold on to a grandchild or two and plan for the future. I know it will be great as God has promised! 

Some seasons are more painful than glorious, but the glorious will emerge. All are necessary to grow..

As the summer heat intensifies and then wanes... the fall moon will then approach with it's harvest setting. When you see the leaves are falling you might want to text your friend and see how see how they are faring loosening those many heart strings!