Sunday, October 30, 2016

A Wake Up Call to Complacency

This morning I awoke with a start. I looked at the clock and it was 4:45 A.M. Why am I not still asleep? Is the Lord trying to get me up? My sub-conscious told me to just sleep in. No, I realized, I had fallen asleep on my watch. Was this a dream or reality? What have I done? Or really, what have I not done?  And then the words, what have we not done? The word complacent flies from my mind to my lips. Then I thought what does it matter at this late hour?

My heart beats fast and I felt this dread come over me as I realized what God was pointing out. What did I do? What have all of us done? What has America done? Where did that spirit come from that had us do nothing when we could have done more? I slipped to the floor to pray.

"If then my people, upon whom my name has been pronounced, humble themselves and pray, and seek my face and turn from their evil ways, I will hear them from heaven and pardon their sins and heal their land." 2 Chronicles 7:14

It is my job to protect, to warn, to speak God’s truth not only to my children but to those I love. Reminding us not to walk on the path that the Israelites did. It is also my job to speak truth to my fellow country men and women. To realize America is off course from what God desires and speaks of in His instruction.

My mind ran and I saw a missed opportunity. Why was I asleep?

Why was I so complacent? 
What is wrong with us that we only care when deadlines are near and counting down?

People inform you that at a certain age you have to let your children go and make their own mistakes. After so many years, I got tired. I listened to the world's voices. All of them. But only I know that in my own journey where I should have been protected. Where I should have had a clue. There was a detour that I should have taken to avoid the pit. You assume your kids watch you long enough that they know your hearts cry for a different road.

Just like in our path for a better America. A better country. It is my job to pray for that better path. Even at this late hour. I want to have that hope in my heart and future.

My heart cries out now for what I let slip away in my slumber. That feeling of too late came over me again and I pushed it back. The movie frame of the past opportune time goes through my head one slow frame at a time. Why did I let the time slip by? I prayed, "Oh God, you gave me this time and I let it go. You gave me a watch and I let it slip through my hands. Forgive me!' All of the warm sand moved and slid very quickly falling at my feet. But between my fingers I caught one heavier piece. The one stone that was too big. I hold that heart stone tightly not willing to let it go. I could just throw it out. Or maybe carry it in my pocket all day as a reminder to take heart. To still hope. To trust that God has it all. This is God's America. It is the country linked with JerUSAlem

Some people in the world do not really care what path this country takes. But I do, I am unwavering! Just like a mother with her children. I really, care! 
In this state of reflection I have to lean on the Father’s promises of a future and a hope. Every single day and especially in this season! 

I sit quietly with no sound around me and out of nowhere a siren screams a warning. We could be in trouble. The scream reminds of the commitment I made years ago to pray when I heard a siren. So I pray for that stranger. I pray for this country. And then I return to my hearts cry and asked, “God is it to late?” I should still be interceding. I had been quick to assume the thoughts, the whispers in my spirit I had awoken to that morning were true. I had quickly let it set me into a disheartenment and that I knew was a lie. Maybe it was just a wake up call for me! No it was also a wake up call to pray for both of the candidates. For the next President to include God in His country.

"Blessed is the nation whose God is the LORD, the people chosen as his inheritance." Psalms 33:12 

Independence is a funny thing. A natural thing in the progression of life. A time when you know so much and you start to believe you know it all. That is where that big stone can get stuck in your shoe. The one that can trip you up. The one that can bruise your soul. Ruffles your know it all path. Shut down the words of God's warning. Just like the Israelites did over and over. We all have a history of doing that. We just want a dependence on self.

I did that. I knew it all. I wanted what I wanted. And 40 years later I looked back and wondered if my mom had also cried out for me?  Like I am for my children and our country?

Please pray and vote!
    With a caring heart for our children's America,

"May the peoples praise you, God; may all the peoples praise you! May the nations be glad and rejoice; for you judge the peoples with fairness, you guide the nations upon the earth."
Psalm 67:4-5

"If a land is rebellious, its princes will be many; but with an intelligent and wise ruler there is stability." Proverbs 28:2

“Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it” Proverbs 22:6

*My blog is setting a bit as I write a book and I wait for my new website to go live. It am excited!
It will be 

Saturday, April 2, 2016

Can Hope Stretch Another Day?

The winter has felt so very long. Cold weather. The season of tireless sorrow and dreary time. The woman who can always tell a story of hope and recovery has lost her edge. At least for this moment. God had taken her familiar comforts and people from her reach for whatever reason he deemed necessary. That simple fireplace space is absent to write and unload in the current home. The dream of that short lived excitement thinking a new blog .com page, now faltered and laid dormant. Watching and feeling 5 deaths. No 6 in one year. What a sad way to start a blog.. I am sorry but I have to clear my spirit of the intoxicating hope-less-ness. Can you bear with me a bit as I work this out?

I have been so sick. How sorry can we feel?  It has rolled over me again and again since December. Worn me out. Tipped the sad scale. Dropped me to the sheets for too long. I had not really known the depth of it all as it pushed out the good things. Holding it together for others and encouraging others. Watching precious people mourn and weep as they watch their dreams disappear wishing they could have done something in the past to change the outcome of their current sorrow. Feeling the no answers leak through their eyes in liquid form. I feel their bottom. Saying to those I love, it will be ok as they hold a sick child or two. Hearing the sorrow in the voice of my daughter and my grand as they lose their dream of a baby. 

Reminded that Christ always pulls it out for us month after month. Yes, he does but it has been far to long to just breath a sigh of anything like relief. Just this over and over helplessness. The same ole living.  Have I flunked Gods test for 12 years since my mom passed? I see all of the promises hanging in the air out of reach. Hearing those friends say again, "I thought this was going to be your year."  Watching my husband give up his passions. Seeing sadness in his eyes as a job ended that we thought had a miracle potential. Loss of income and that thing called joy. I need joy. This house needs joy!

                                                    It   all   stacked   up. 
                                           Joy   comes   in   the   morning   right? 

                 I know I felt the tears start to emerge this week as I slept the flu, infection, headache and fever away all week. 

I need another kleenex can you tell and a new view? I have been happy for each new piece of news of others new relationship, a new home, a great promotion, a new child. a time of rest. We all deserve those long awaited victories. But I selfishly wish for happy news that’s for my husband future or my planned out journey. A victory dance! How selfish that sounds. But I am  so very human. I desire a rescue from my tired soul. A reminder of warm light from above. But truth be told its not just the winter season of real time but the eternal waiting my soul has been in for years. 

As I read a post this morning at 1 a.m. my bottle of tears must have fallen to the floor and cracked opened. Was the lid really on that tight for so long? It dawned on me I have no idea if good things or despair were in my dreams these last couple of weeks. Lacking my usual encouragements I personally seek. Being isolated has taken a hit. I dreamt I asked for my old life back that had that security and sweet lilac bushes on our property on Long Circle or Cheetah Winds. I want a dry empty tear bottle and a vase that is filled with tulips that aren’t frozen in the close position that I recently bought myself and tossed.

As I have slept for the last 2 weeks I wondered what has been deposited in my spirit? Have I slept through a dose of hope? A correction? A God healing after 3 doctors couldn’t clear toxins from my body. Or my soul?  A moment of being aware of Christ around me and in me? I guess I just need to spill the sorrow in my heart of loss. Loss of hope.

The funny thing is God can tip the scale whenever He wants. He knows your breaking point. The point he can get you to hear in whatever way He wants. God is mysterious but really He speaks to those who can reach you when you can’t reach yourself. He uses these who listen to break open your sad bottled up self that was getting fossilized. My room and life had been so quiet as my husband came in and out caring for me. 

                          Out of the blue, God awoke my tribe.

It all started as my youngest son was leaving at 4 am for YWAM. He came in and hugged me goodbye as he left for 3 months again. I was sad. I had not even had the time I had desired with him.

My hair dresser texted and said she hoped I was ok. She was thinking of me. A friend called in the morning and prayed for me on her way to work. I needed that. A different girlfriend called and said she felt something was wrong and told me to take care of myself. My oldest son called out of the blue and said, “He hoped I was feeling better and to, Make it a great day!” His trade mark phrase. He never calls midweek, in the middle of the day. Then a persistent cousin reached out and renewed some hope in a good deed that really should not have been possible. She heard from God. She was obedient. She’s the one who just lost her brother. She had time for me? My prayer partner texted when I confessed I was stuck and I had not been praying,  She said, “She was praying like crazy for us.”  And then at 1 A.M. this morning I read Beandkeepbeing Instagram post. She wrote simple truth. The words open my tears up. It unload my darkness. I am undone which is a good thing. Here are her reminders of God’s word that are exchanging fresh air into my soul. It called out to me the fresh word of God. The things that usually bring me comfort that I usually grasp on my own forced my lid to come off the contained tears from a fellow writer I have never meet..

Winter ends and spring will come.
Weeping last for only a night and joy comes in the morning.
Our God redeems what is broken.
He repays us for the years of what is loss and suffering.
Don’t give up.
Hold tight.
Wait for the promises.
Drink deep from the deep intoxicating well……..

I want all of those overcoming words to come forth like Jesus out of the grave. To celebrate for days like Esther’s victory party. To have our walls rebuilt for the future. I so badly want to throw off the old sack cloths of despair to a new victory. I want to kick those locust back at the enemy and tell him to gag on em. 

Our situation has not changed this long night as I wrote this blog. God has not changed, He is still God. It’s all his call. He just called on his faithful people to open the way. My people. His people, My tribe. His tribe.

Spring will come and eventually something of that long awaited joy will bring that which we have waited years for. God is for us not against us, I told my husband hours ago as he fell asleep. We sometimes allow the enemy to lie to us. And we believe him. Christ has overcome for us. Thats the true unselfish victory.

So when the Spirit whispers to you. Heed the call. Be obedient. You are doing something by your one small deed. As many little deeds and acts of kindness make a breaker anointing possible. I truly felt it all. One bit at a time. From each of you my friends.

 He has stretched my hope for another day. 

Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy. Psalm 126:5

Saturday, January 2, 2016

365 Days of Grace To 1 New Year of Promise

As I read a challenge to take some time, slow down the New Year and think about what I learned last year, I thought about my year that I had labeled "Grace". Not only was I given grace once again by God and those close to me, I learned to pour it out on situations and those who challenge me. Here is a gathering of my thoughts.

Surrender - Starting off my mornings with my hands held out loosely was where I learned to start my day as I pray Jesus come. Surrendering to God Almighty to guide and fill me with joy. I ask the Holy Spirit to lead me to His heart and show me who He really is, and who He wants me to be.

Home- As my nest was blown away in 2003 and 2011, I have learned I do not control my life. No matter where God moves me and mine, how many times we re-adjust, whether we own or rent or what circumstances are driving where we are to live. I will survive and learn something new. I miss being fully settled and having a mantel and a fireplace to decorate but its not the end all. The point is God has put me in a new area to pray for those around me and spread his love. To show others who Christ is to us, and who we are to him. 

Life and death - Four is the number of funerals that I attended this year. From a man who prayed and spoke hope into my life, to my oldest daughter’s new foster child loosing her Momma, to my precious Aunt, and then my Sister in law. Death always has a initial sting or a spirit of rejoice. Three of these left abruptly and stunned those who loved them. We watched as our middle daughter and husband announced a new unexpected baby to their 3 excited girls. Then only to have a miscarriage open the door to grief. All I know is heaven is more appealing to me then ever before and I will serve my days to the one who numbers mine.

The past - How do I not look back once I have processed my past situations? I now glean it like wheat and find it helpful to use as grace to carry forward. Looking over my shoulder can take time off of my day and after too many trips backwards it makes me lose my forward movement and alignment. The past can teach you but it can also bring sorrow and put you in shackles keeping you from finding your path and destiny.

Gifting - Watching my youngest daughter, in her last year of college, use her gifts was a wake up call to my slumber. Dreaming without action is ineffective. Everyone has gifting. I wasted it by ignoring those heart pulls. Gifting's have been put in my spirit for a reason. They stretch me, build the inner self and touch others. I am currently on a new path with a online group called Hope*Writers. We are making room for each other to dream, to ask for help, getting a course of action and bringing encouragement. 

The weight - What goes into your spirit is what weighs you down. For me turning off media’s immorality and even the news that brings despair and weight to my spirit. I am replacing that time with things that are joy givers. Peace and prayer can rock your world around you more than pride of politicians and disheartenment of people and their actions. I believe God made two political parties to bring balance. Instead I see pride and blame. I am learning not to engage. To pray for the state of our country and the world. God has a hope and a future.  A Son who died for all of us and our errors. Amen to losing that weight!

Missions and ministry - I realized through my son that I have a distinct purpose and have been created to impact others. My past is my key determining what that path looks like. Watching our youngest son raise money, put his life on hold here in America and take off 6 months to give to others has been so impactful. His life took a turn and made me realize how little I do as a individual and we as a nation. How visually impaired I have been whether watching those in my sphere or further away. I have learned to look deeper at those who serve others in the simple or complex ways. I want to help others as I have been helped!

Perseverance - My oldest son rode in a race here in Colorado called the Triple ByPass Bicycle Tour. He rode for 2 days, 240 miles with 10,000 feet of climbing with gears and bike peddles over 3 mountain passes. The beauty of our land was crossed by those who had the will and handled the pain of the process to feel the reward. His perseverance taught me I could maybe get back my groove. So I started working out again to gain my inner core body strength, and uplift my inner beauty. A decision to help myself where no one else can, because I can. 

Control - I learned that creativity breaks the control I use that is self destructive. I have complained and put everything else I do as a wife and mother over my abilities. Maybe even enabled myself to feel empty and miserable. I choose God as my defender over my abilities. The whisper in my spirit to move forward. It is all a choice. We will see what I gain as I lose those things that bind me as I work with more intent on my creative side. 

My treasure - is not my material belongings but in those close to me. I am so blessed to be loved and have those around me who encourage me, give me a push and honest words. I say Lord, “Come with your glory. Have your way in me. I give you permission to mold me and take me further in my growth.  Remove the camouflage covering over my life and heart.”

Thursday, December 17, 2015

Peace for a Princess

One of her watercolors.
At 5 years old my father was playing football in the living room with his sister. A perfect place for young siblings to play. Like any football player in training, mistakes happen. My dad’s shoe went flying off through the glass french door. As his father was replacing the glass he asked if he was going to get arrested. Before he had an answer his older sister piped in, “If he goes to jail, I am going with him!”  Oh, for the love of siblings!

Today was what most people would call a sorrowful day and a day to express their condolences for your loss. That was not the case for me this day.  As I heard the news of this death, I rejoiced! We had watched the long patient wait, to leave this earth. It was a cause to celebrate. When someone’s body dies, there is a tearing away of something that is earthly to what is linked in the spiritual.  A tear of the heart for sure on both sides of what she called, “The valley of the shadow.” A place to say goodbye. Many question where they will really go at their death. But this special lady did not. She really knew where she belonged and to whom. There is a joy for me that she is free of this earth. She is with her Lord and Savior, and many who proceeded her.

Her name was Betty White. Actually Betty Jane to me. 

As a little girl I would go to her house and be pampered by my Aunt Betty with bubble baths. Then put to bed with prayers and the sound of a musical angel singing a sweet melody to me as she stroked my long blonde hair on my pillow. I was her second niece, her princess #2. A special title as she hadn’t had any daughters until her sons married. This was a cherished long standing position for me! 

Her faith and ability to be love were a powerful combined force that carried a strong fragrance. I know that many people love me but this woman really, loved me with Christ’s unconditional love. I never really understood this until I became mature in my faith. Her corrective words would be the truth that carried a slow smooth flow like honey. She could deliver the word of the Lord’s heart with no spines or pokes. I never felt inadequate. I could accept and sift her words like sugar as the day emerged. She understood my life challenges and called it as it was. “Love to the niece that accepts what has been given her.” As I look back at that message, it encourages me then and now to keep moving forward, to change my outlook, or push me to let the past go.

Stain glass at Ascension Lutheran Church
I never really had the eyes to see until now, how my aunt inconspicuously had woven her life and talents into me. She poured into me as a new designer. We decorated a massive health club together. Floor plans, colors schemes, materials and finishing touches. What a great experience! Several years went by and after my first 3 children were born, she invited me to her Paint Box Club to spruce up my watercolor skills. There I watched her talent overflow into her relationships. The later years of Community Bible Study with her were some of my happiest moments. We both were blessed to see each other weekly. Her knowledge as a Sunday school teacher was a blessing to so many. Then watching her step out and do stain glass windows for her church with no prior experience and do them with exquisite precision was the most amazing feat. Merging her talent and faith for many to always be able to view.
She was a extraordinary woman of God who walked her days in peace, prayer and love.

One of our many common factor besides art was, she fell in love with her high school sweetheart. Our paths of struggles in marriage were similar, but different. We both had joys and different trials. She was a great encourager to persevere and to be self reflective.

Betty and Bob White
Pastel on Sandpaper by Betty
I recently pulled up a card she had written with her amazing handwriting and it said this to me. “Becky, you have been a good wife and mother. A young lady to be proud of! Life has not been easy, but you have always tried to do your best and you have done a good job. So do as St. Paul says and don’t look back, keep looking forward, toward the mark. Heaven is quite a prize for us all to look forward to and to make our children delight in.”  

Love my Betty Jane! 
I so look forward to my next heavenly moment with her. 

Sunday, April 12, 2015

Pancakes that topple.. Feet that touch.. Love that Last!

Life can be so super duper challenging at times. Sometimes the difficulties are just one simple problem. Before the week is over they become stacked on top of each other. It looks like a rush of heavy carb loaded pancakes just waiting to topple. The difficulties one by one are not so tough. But when the difficulties are stacked and they tumble into your lap, that is when the burden feels uncontrollable. The heaviness brings on the darkness. We all have at one time experienced this cold, dark, needy pit. But I am talking the darkest of holes.

Who do you turn to or allow to pull you up when those overwhelming places enter your week and intensify?

I turn to the friends who have values, perspective, a life of prayer. Those who know me the best. Those who are very wise. Those who hear the Lord. Yes, I have several. I choose them!

What happens when you burn those people out and they are worn thin? What ensues when you listen to too many voices? What occurs when they are really truthful and you only hear your inner trapped voice and you think you have no way of escape?

                Darkness and the souls of men can pull you into such a vortex of hope deferred. Proverbs 13:12
In this last long season of repeats, I visualized a grain hopper. Where life is poured in the top and comes out looking quite different than when it went in. You think on the second try it will change and look different from the first since you thought you cleaned up the fray. Do you think it might be a pretty single pancake with sweetness deserved and not a heavy toppling stack!

I am referring to a 2 cycle season of really tough times in the last 11 years. It has lasted longer than we imagined and has stretched us, changed us and worn us down and given us a great prayer life. Health issues over and over. Financial issues over and over. Job changes and second jobs that helped the wallet and bandaged the soul. Family issues where the more we stayed out the more we were drawn in. Times just intensified and circumstances piled up. Long standing friends just could not relate or maybe watch. I do understand it could play like a horror movie where you cover your eyes. Maybe if they turned off the swirling movie it would go away. Poof! Who needs to watch that? Ha! At times the silent thoughts of you wondering if they were judging or perhaps thinking God was. We felt that too. Was Christ defining us? Disciplining us? Shaping us for our future? Those who stayed close to us, questioned as did we.

Oh, and did I mention God? He viewed it before we were made, and loves us still!  

There was those moments in the heavy darkness before the light streamed in when the clock said 3 a.m., when I felt so very grounded. Surprising huh? I felt my husband next to me and the true comforter of God himself in the spirit.  

“Do not be afraid for I am with you” Genesis 26:24

Recovery or repeat? Oh, that road so worn. As we started the second go around in 2013 we prayed and we asked and we listened. We so badly wanted to do the recovery right. We thought we were making the right choices. But we felt like we were spinning through that hopper with our foot out. We should have been able to put that leg down but it just was not stopping. The thing is, many times the spin feels comfortable and its the stillness when your sitting on your butt with the fall out of the grain on top of you that it wakes you up. Grain is very heavy. So is the darkness of the enemy of hope deferred.

Being on the ground is cold, lonely and dark unless you will allow yourself to be touched.
“The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it.” John 1:5

So we thought we had the comeback in place. The harvest was going to be sweet. But last fall my husband had a accident that had again taken us to the dark place. You know its bad when you are sitting in church and tears are streaming and the pain is on your spouses face. You know when those closest see the pain but don’t really feel what only you feel? And the enemy of you soul and mind speaks loser to you. Yep! That place! When you sit and stare into nowhere, with nobody and you're allowing satan to dump words and thoughts on you, and you just can’t move out from under the dirty, heavy grain! 

Pressing through the testing to breakthrough.
Then, more needed reality filters into the hopper by words from someone who loves you. Tough love words! It made me fall off the merry go round and skin my knees deeply. Eventually my spinning stopped. The spinning was replaced with days of tears… and more days of cleansing sorrowful heavy tears. I did not feel grateful for tough love in the pain. The tears are not done and the fear of the unknown has daily emerged. Again. 

I thought heavily of others and their sorrows and troubles and wondered how they managed?  Those without the peace of God? That’s how I got to grateful even in the darkness. Falling on the floor praying for my husbands pain and praying for others in other parts of the world going through intense persecution or even on this side of hell and heaven.

 “My tears have been my food day and night, while men say to me all day long, 
where is your God?” Psalm 42:3

I floated back and forth from dark to distilled light for 3 days saying. “Really.. again Lord? “But in the dark of the night there are two touches I search for. I find each night I wait and rest for those moments to emerge. First, my husband then the spirit.
“By day the Lord directs his love, at night His song is with me, a prayer to the God of my life.” Psalm 42:8
Seeking answers when one spouse is leery and one is trusting of something and you pray and pray. Then you flip the coin and one is trusting and the other is leery and you pray and you pray. How do you attempt to make the right decision? How do you re-structure the structure that was the new structure? God says, “All things work together for good for those who trust is in Him”

So here we sit again in our own reality show shoveling heavy grain off with another long stretch in front of us. We are exhausted! In their love our kids are exhausted! Our closest prayer partners are pooped! Now that we are on our bottom so to speak, we look at some of the ramifications and the advice we thought was sound and shake our head. We are going to figure this out and not use our usual means. Somehow God will be bigger than our choices. He promises a way out!.. Right??

I go to bed awake and in the darkness, with prayers on my mind, I fall asleep. It seems I must be praying nonstop in my spirit all night. I awake in the morning with the words on my brain. “Father save us, Lord help us, Jesus come. Holy spirit can you speak louder? Let me hear you!" 

 “He who forms the mountains, creates the wind, and reveals his thoughts to man..the Lord Almighty is His name”        Amos 4:12

In a text one night at midnight last winter one of my high school girlfriends blessed me with hope. It's those messages that encourages you. She said, “I pray you will be like Job and the second half of your life will be more than the first!” May it be true! That is what we wait for, that is what we dream. 

Granola centered happiness! Is that really healthy? :)
So tonight when I go to bed before my next hard day emerges, I know I am next to the one person who shares this pain that others only see. I will feel his touch in the middle of the night. Possibly several times. It’s the touch of my husband’s feet searching for mine or mine for his. Oh the familiar.. It feels right, even when things are wrong! Then the spirit will touch me and I will sleep.

Everything will be ok I am told. If I will just stop and kick the fear out and dream of that one beautiful light pancake! No stack of toppling carbs. No heavy grain falling on me. Just awaken to a good thing. A God answer. A voice saying it will be alright.
I love you with a everlasting love!

Cherish the moments of love, even in hard places.
So stay with us as God continues writing our story even if it’s at a distance.We understand. Even if it appears to be the part of the intense movie where you cover up your eyes. While you are there say a prayer for those people around you in tough circumstances and those on the other side of the world. Do a hidden blessing of prayer. And know I pray for you also! 

We will eventually see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living and it will be a great harvest! 

Thursday, March 19, 2015

Where is my next dwelling place?

My first childhood home on Mansfield, built by my Dad
My spirit is feeling stirred. Maybe in not such a great way, I think to 
myself. Becoming more unsettled? Yes, that is it. I know something is coming up. Maybe not immediately but something is getting ready to separate me from this present place where my heart rest. That feeling of boxes, packing tape and that annoying loud bubble wrap and ugly tan paper causes a queazy stomach.

Recently I helped a wonderful couple downsize from their home of 20 years to a smaller beautiful space. I have done this work before as a "Move Manager," so I know the inner turmoil. I listen to the words being spoken and the signs to encourage them when needed. When people have two feet in separate homes it is a tough place. You are drawn to the old home and the comforts. On the other foot trying to adapt your treasures into a new place and feel like you can make an imprint into the new is mentally exhausting on top of the physical. Not every shoe is made to fit, nor is a home. Sure enough, tiredness set in and the words came out, “I want to go home.” She said as she stood at the new kitchen sink. My lower lip formed a pouty face for her.

“To where the hearts inclined, the feet will follow.” 
                                       Robin Jones Gunn

In my life sometimes I have to look for the subtler hints that God gives me. Last summer I read a book that stirred my spirit. The story was so similar to mine. The author’s tale of selling a home she loved that had great heart history in order to pay a debt. Ok, did that twice, so lets pretend to move on. Or a book given as a gift that focus’s on “Nesting.” Based on how to find that happy place as you rent.  The intention was to give me pleasure in seeing how someone else does life as a Interior Designer in a home that is rented.  But deep within the message was encouragement to view that place of joy in the midst of not so perfect. Having to rent. Then a 3rd book, the latest fiction by Robin Jones Gunn. Not again a story on.. you guessed it, knowing a move is unfolding. Really?  Ok so I get the message. 

             Loud speaker warms up. 
PREPARE your Heart! 

Where is your dwelling place?  It can vary you know. For many, it is a person or being close to those that are familiar that you love. Perhaps it could be in a current or former home, camper or a location you grew up near.  For many it is in the heart or for others in the spirit. Some attach their heart to a event or a time they remember that was so hopeful. Is there such a place in your world with the tumultuous times around you that makes you feel safe?  
From a large home to a camper This is my brave girlfriend!

It is starting to sear my space, lose my place and tear my peace. 
If ..Oh if, I allow it to.

I recently read a story about a very large group of people who were set free from captivity. A very unsafe place. They traveled miles to escape and encountered many road blocks. They turned and looked back and could see the enemy coming after them again. The enemy regretted setting them loose. The chasing pressed these people up against a large expanse of water. Low and behold the people running found an opening in front of them and crossed over. Next they had to look in for their source of provision of food and water in the midst of weariness. Also, signs of light to guide them so they would not get lost by night or by day. Sounds tough huh? Can you imagine not knowing where you were going and what is in front of you?

They finely arrived to a very nice region that was offered to them with a couple conditions. They were too scared to accept the gift. So they sent in some bold family member to check it out. Upon their return three said it was very very good. Others said it was nice but they saw some tough people who look to big to fight in order to posses their land.  And the story unfolds more.

Many family members balked and said take me back to my former captivity. They knew how to handle the familiar. Those were the ones who lived in fear of the unknown but hated the fear of the former. Then others paused and thought some more. They sat and talked about it and decided they would go for it and do what was asked of them. In their hesitation they lost their timing. After much uncertainty some went and fought for that victory. Many family members died and so did the favor upon them. Their time expired. Why you ASK?  The gift was offered. Yes, But they did not trust the giver. The giver sees the heart and knows what’s best.

How many of us chose to go to a new place. Job, state or situation, but unfamiliarity over takes us. Fear creeps in or a voice speaks, the obstacles are too big.
Some of you recognize this story of the Exodus to the Promised Land. Many of us can imprint this story over our own. Fear, timing, not sticking it out, not trusting what the small voice said. Or simply mot be courageous!

Where is your place of belonging, of resting in turmoil or peace? What? 
You know, the place where your heart rests nightly when you quiet down and breathe in the night air? 

Come all who are weary with your heavy loads:
 lay down your burden, find rest for your soul.

 Living inside a mystery of where your journey is going is a hard place to be.  I want to shake people who have lived in the same place for twenty something years and say do you realize how wonderfully fabulous this is? That was me in 2003. Taking it all for granted. Before the rug got pulled out from under me and packed. But I stand on prayer. Do not be dismayed Rebekah, or hopeless. Your God, though quiet, is actively working behind the scenes and pulling circumstances together for your good. You have an active hidden role in how it is playing out and the timing. He waits and we react, and we react and he waits. It’s a tug of love even if you feel like it is a war!

I am reminded of this verse that is one of my favorites. “He or she that dwells in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.” Ps. 91
In my email drafts I keep a special letter to myself. Its been there for years. Here is what it says. Simple truth. Feel free to copy it, and insert your name. Rest your heart in near the presence of peace and security. Psalm 91

 1   Rebekah dwells in the shelter of the Most High 
     and rests in the shadow of the Almighty.  
 2   Rebekah says of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my        
       fortress my God, in whom I trust." 
 3  Surely he saves Rebekah from the fowler's snare 
       and from the deadly pestilence. 
 4  He covers Rebekah with his feathers, 
       and under his wing Rebekah's shield and rampart. 
 5  Rebekah does not fear the terror of night, 
       nor the arrow that flies by day, 
 6  nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, 
       nor the plague that destroys at midday. 
 7  A thousand may fall at Rebekah's side, 
       ten thousand at her right hand, 
       but it will not come near her. 
 8  Rebekah will only observe with her eyes 
       and see the punishment of the wicked. 
 9   Rebekah makes the Most High her dwelling— 
       even the LORD, who is her refuge- 
 10 then no harm befalls her, 
       no disaster comes near her tent. 
 11 For he commands his angels concerning Rebekah 
       to guard her in all his ways; 
 12 they lift him up in their hands, 
       so that she will not strike his foot against a stone. 
 13  Rebekah treads upon the lion and the cobra; 
         she tramples the great lion and the serpent. 
 14 "Because Rebekah loves me," says the LORD, "I  will          
        rescue her; I protect her, for she acknowledges my                      name.
 15  Rebekah calls upon me, and I answer her; 
       I am with her in trouble, 
       I deliver her and honor him. 
 16 With long life I will satisfy Rebekah 
       and show her my salvation."

I was reading “Victim of Grace” By Robin Jones Gunn
“The Nesting Place” by Myquillyn Smith
“Home of our Hearts” By Robin Jones Gunn
The Bible, NIV

EXODUS comes from two greek words meaning “exit” or “way out.” 

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

The Waiting Room

KP and his dog
Sitting in the waiting room. What a unbearable place to be. Those stiff chairs and stares across the room as you see others who are also uncomfortable waiting for news.  I have had that experience quite often in the last few years. Now I find myself sitting at home for our next step and praying. Also in this time I am hoping, for a reversal of a condition for our dear friend whom I am afraid to let go of. 

Simplest of still water. A place to refresh
                 The other day I woke up uncommonly relaxed with no agenda. My husband mentioned we should call our friend as we had not spoked to him since Superbowl Sunday. My concern kicked in after I called and his voice mail which was uncommonly full still after a week.This has never happened in all the years of our triweekly communication.  My relaxed state was gone. Being that he lived out of state I researched my mail and found a common link to contact and emailed this gentleman to see KP’s status.
We had discovered our friends had hidden the severity of his health condition. He had taken a turn for the worse. My husband and I were shocked. He had dropped us clues in former conversation but never revealed the true diagnose. My solid diving platform which was my stability was knocked out from under me and I felt my soul going deep into old familiar territory. The uncertainty was swirling like a deep sea dive into the dark void of the ocean. This was a man who I turned to for Godly wisdom. He was as close as a brother but wise like a Father. We had the common thread of faith. I mean really strong. He could walk up to a stranger and tell them about Jesus with no embarrassment. I loved that about him!
His Momma's beautiful perfume bottle. 
I had become complacent that he would always be in my life. I believe he had his health concerns handled. My girlfriend had mentioned several times weeks ago she felt the urgency for me to go and see him. I had brushed off her words. I wish I could take that time back. Because I can’t, I deal with the now. Rear view mirrors make me miserable.
When you find yourself in uncomfortable situations you can turn it into action in the natural and prayer in the unseen spiritual world. So we prayed and flew to Phoenix.
His family for this season has become all of the friends who adore him as he never married. He was taken into a home of a high school friend. Talk about kindness! Hospice was notified and the waiting of not hearing has turned into a waiting of not knowing. 

We were usher into his quiet room. We found out that within 24 hrs he could no longer get out of bed on his own. Our window of time was still barely ajar.
KP''s visit with me in Sedona
 I got on his bed held his hand and we spoke to him of great memories over the years.  I played a song my sister had left for him on my voice mail and my dad called and spoke of their great times together and of their future residence in heaven. My husband who is a tender guy kept doing those big gulps and sighs of emotion. For some reason I got up and went and knelt on the opposite side of his bed and realized he had not seen me earlier due to lose of vision on the left side. He was very aware we were their and my husband who has a gift of healing in certain situations prayed for him. We read him Psalm 91 and 103. I wanted to stay and hold his hands for the next several days. As we forced ourselves to say goodbye, I leaned over and Said, “KP, I love you.”  His only words of the day flooded to my hearts he replied. “I love you too Becky!” Oh my! I will cherish those words for a long time. I had asked God for some sign and I got it. 

His former outside porch
Upon our return 3 states away I thanked my husband for praying. For being bold in that obedience of asking God for healing. My husband said that was not the amazing part for him but my strength and being the rock. You know both are needed at times and we fit together like a puzzle. Gods workmanship, not ours.

God controls the time
So we sit in our home waiting. We have learned how to wait. I did not say we liked it.  We are waiting on a defined corner as God forms our future plans. We have given God space and our hourglass to flip. 
Our friend is lying in, “the valley of the shadow of death.” My aunt says. “Its a place where you want to stay with the familiar of those you love. But God is calling you forward.  We give God the space to do his work. Even the breathe of hope that he would return him to us healed. See Update Below

A part of his work of art..
How are you handling the waiting room you are presently sitting in? Are you trusting God who loves you and is there to see you through this time? Are you allowing him the space to care and show his love even in the simplest of things like a window of time left ajar to say I love you…

Do you know your salvation is at hand? Only you can choose? It is through the one who forgives and loves you like no other. My friend would tell you straight up you need Jesus. No More Waiting! The redeeming blood of the cross and the one who died for you to give you eternal life. So I stand in his place and tell you to ask God for forgiveness of your sins and that you want him to live in your heart. Please do not wait!

The Lord Is My Shepherd
A Psalm of David.
1The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
2He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters.
3He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness
for his name’s sake.
4Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
5You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies;
you anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
6Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
all the days of my life,
and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord
Update: Our Dear Friend went to be with the Lord Feb. 12th at 4:32 A.M. Surrounded and loved. His Celebration of Life service is March 14, 2015 at the East Chapel of Scottsdale Bible Church, I believe at 3 P.M.

What are you waiting for? Lord Jesus, I need You. Thank You for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life and receive You as my Savior and Lord. Thank You for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Take control of the throne of my life. Make me the kind of person You want me to be.