Saturday, June 14, 2014

The Girl with Two Fathers!

She has two Fathers in her world. 
They observe and find delight in this girl and cast their love upon her. She abides in the shadow of their wisdom and safety. Upon birth she meets her Father who will raise her and adore and adorn her.

You can see her footprints as she works her life throughout the trails of days and miles. She flitters on the tips of her toes. She dodges the snares. If you look you can see her dance at the amusement of her Daddy. Swirling and jumping her hands moving and her feet prance. She is pure and full of joy. She is fresh and lovely and feels loved and adored. Her smile is broad upon her face. The faithfulness of her two Fathers is her shield.

She runs free as the years accelerate in her youth. She has new growth but still see no danger around her as she trust the world she plays in. Her hair is tousled by the weeds of life and the guardian feathers that cover her. The journey has started to hardened her feet. At times she hides in the trees from her simple disobedience. But she is always loved and wanted. Even if at times the business of her earthly Father has forced a uncomfortable distance. Her other Father is standing quietly along side of her whispering encouragement. 

Age has her yearning to be held close like that of her toddler years. Sometimes the hugs are so healing and other times so distant. Her physical Father has become more occupied by his life events and lack of time together has brought a tear. She has a mixed yearning as she steps out to explore her life. But the Father is there. She is the apple of his eye. 

No trouble can befall her in the quiet place and the light of day as the arrows fly by her. She runs the path of life as she grows. She contemplates her surroundings. The flowers and the butterflies. The smell of sawdust and horses, animals all around her bring her delight. The movement of the trees and the wind around her. She seeks out blue sky and hides under the green branches like a cocoon. The intricacies of creation has her intrigued. She hears the sound of soothing water and birds chirping all around her. She picks up the fruit and sees a mirrored image and know she is the reflection of her Father’s. She turns deep within as it gives her a feeling of safety. Her quietness keeps her alone but also has created a easy fortress that gives her a false hope of security.

Food and nourishment comes in many forms. The guidance she needs is given during these meals and she feels full. The food at the table before her is a great feast that feeds her body but the dessert is the word that quenches the deep rich place.That food stays like a seed planted and gives comfort at the time it’s needed. Her Father’s feed her well and teach her about the enemy. They hope she has ears to hear the truth placed within her above the bustling of the dishes.

In the darkness of her own space danger has approached to test her faith. The darkness that has seeped in has made her sit up in her night hours of where she dwells. Sounds and alarms go off within her as the presence approaches her. The feeling is unseen. What does a little girl’s mind understand about the unseen? The inner scream wants for it to stay in the corner of the room away from her. She can not cry out in the night. She is frozen in her bed. Her sleep in this quiet space wants so badly to come. Even the night light cast shadows. The shadow she imagines stalks her room. The beauty of this girl is not harmed but protected by the unseen angelic guard. The dark presence is pushed back and sleep comes again. She is protected by her Father that guards her.  She remembers the words spoken that 10,000 will fall at her right hand that guard her as she drifts off. In the morning she forgets about the terror of the night.

Journey’s broaden and her earthly Father get about his work. Growth and age brings security that all is well with his daughter. But the heavenly Father’s always stays on guard close with love. All encompassing love. For some reason the daughter also pushes back as she enters the open meadow. Her feet run from path to path. Distance feels like an intriguing call with her name pulling her. Free will comes forth!  She is too young to understand. Once more as she runs she goes faster and faster. Further from safety of both Father’s care. The trees are thick in the orchard. So many open possibilities. In her hunger the fruit draws her and she choose’s to eat it.  She is much like Eve as she listens to a voice that leads her astray. Her father’s motion to her but they allow her free will to drive her. The paths she chooses takes her away. But she is still loved and watched over.

As she grows her choices betray her and birth curses. Truth is imprisoned deep within her fortress. Weeds have grown tall. Her path and her feet are shackled. She works hard to hear the message she is loved and wanted. She does not understand the things that hurt. She forgets her Father’s names as she grows into independence. She believes they abandoned her and many messages feed her lies. She feels she has no value as the world spins. The distant has her Fathers watching the refined moments that tear and sear her.  When is the pain so great she seeks relief? When is the independence and rebellion ready to be submitted?

What she feels is her new freedom from life bondages has her head turning. Her body is starting to ache from the fast run.  She looks around the vast forest for her Father and falls on her knees  As she touches the earth the sound of soothing water quiets her as she remembered what peace felt like. She is drawn to a stream and makes her way to the refreshment of living waters. She rejoices as she finds her Father awaiting her in the cool of the day. The fine sand feels so good upon her feet as she enters the water. The once chosen rocky path breaks free. She hears her Father voice as she comes out of the deep and feels freedom. Cleansing love has broken through. Nothing can separate her from this Father. Good gifts are there and coming. She is washed clean in the flow of the water. She steps back on her path as she rejoices in becoming unshackled by her choices. Her dancing feet return, set free from all that held her down.

In life God has given us our earthly Father to care and provide tangible love and comfort. They teach us the way on this earth. I am ever so thankful for my Dad who has loved me. Encouraged me. And prayed for me the desires of the heart that his heavenly father has shown him for me. I celebrate the journey and the times I needed and felt his love and the times he allowed me to journey alone and grow into the woman I have become. 

But the God of the Universe, whom I call my Abba Father, is the one I now spiritually grow and journey with as my earthly Fathers life enters into his latter years. I look for the leading and prompting of the power and direction of this Father, who created me in the dark secret place. I rejoice that on this day I have been gifted with two Fathers!

The bread and the wine fill my deep hunger all in one meal. The overflow will bring needed peace and I will walk and call upon his hand to guide me in my present journey. He opens my blessings and brings the sun and the rain to fall. He also shows his promises to me in his rainbow as he wills!

Do you know my Abba Father? 

He is the lover of my soul!

He brings me eternity!

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

It's that season! Dropping the heart strings!

Ouch! Who pulled that string? Astonished I should have had been prepared. It has happened enough times over the years of motherhood. But not to this degree with this child. Busyness has a way of blinding you to prepare mentally for what is ahead! So how does it feel to have another one of those invisible attached stings to your heart surprise you as it tugs? Sometimes it’s a pull and other times a severed release of letting go. Like a tooth being pulled in a young child’s mouth. You know its going to happen. The string is tied on.  Anticipation. The grimace expectant face. Bam!  A piece is gone. The string drops to the floor and a small bit of bleeding occurs. 

There is a time for everything, and a season
 for every activity under the heavens.

Looking back at being a new Momma I remember the beginning of the love bond. At nine months a natural cut of that which sustains life of the umbilical cord is severed between mother and child. Upon this cut we are designed by God to love this child and help them grow into independent adults. But we are invisibly connected. a threaded needle lacing the outside of a valentine heart. The unseen love-strings keep looping back and forth between our heart to our loved one. From the moment of each event or special moment, draws a new string of that love link. 

 With varying degree's we feel waves of moments poured into a ocean of our heart, ebbing and flowing as a tide. Theirs and ours. Watching their first smile, first step or even standing on a school stage singing a precious ditty. Your heart overflows with joy. You can feel your hand go to your chest covering up your heart trying to contain it all. Who has not done that hand on the heart motion? Could that also be a motion to stop the overflow of a sentiment? You just want to say, “please stop a moment while I take this in or just slow it down.”  This moment happens faster than our feelings can process!

This is that season!  As school ends for the new season of summer break, hearts are being reconfigured. The accomplishments are marked through celebration. Families are going through seasons of change. But behind the scenes are the moms who have had to allow the taut heart strings to be pulled, and dropped to ease the attachment as their children mature. They have little time to process so they shove it back into their overflowing heart. The letting go of heart strings is not only for the parents, but important to the child. 

The change seems so simple as you begin your journey of raising each other. With the many layer the heart has a way of disguising the depth of the soul attachments.There comes that one memorable moment in time when it hits. I visualize it as the moment God opens the door to their destiny and they walk through it. Each with a different gait. Either prodded, pushed, or willingly looking for the new adventure.

It all makes you hurt and makes you smile at the same time! 

Years ago I read a timely book by Carol Kuykendall that was called “Give them Wings.” Carol talks about being a family in flux on a journey to transition. When my oldest graduated from High School back in 1998, I had worked through this book many months prior and thought, “Boy that helped! That was not so bad!”  Several years later I graduated two more. As the kids filtered down I thought I had it handled.

He heals the brokenhearted, binding up their wounds PS 147:3

As my fifth and last child graduated. I knew I could put off the final heart string release for that child's chapter until the coming fall departure. But sometimes things can just twist and you have to face it one way or another.

The day after graduation we put our fourth child, a daughter on a plane to study abroad. The big tug started to tumble down into the wide open meadow of my heart! 

Her preparation was so busy it kept us both unprepared for the journey. Blessed to have my oldest who is a counselor give me the signals! “How are you doing?” she would ask. I knew she was watching me. I was postponing all forms of emotions, thinking this is not the time for heavy processing!  My head was full of details from my sons graduation and summer plans. As my daughter melted at good-bye in the concourse, I sucked it up and did the, stuff the emotions and bag it routine. Then my husband did his version of the “quick eye drip and be done” method.  We all processed this differently. We survived the small eruption, knowing the up coming volcano will be heating up soon enough.

With life there are many sunrises, as God prepares you for the sunsets. Moms do you know the family you see in your photo right now, will forever be changing? Some departing, some added in. In the season of downsizing, empty nesting, I can’t allow this baggage to sit. I will turn my face to the new season much like my husband the coach does. I will look for the things of hopeful anticipation, hold on to a grandchild or two and plan for the future. I know it will be great as God has promised! 

Some seasons are more painful than glorious, but the glorious will emerge. All are necessary to grow..

As the summer heat intensifies and then wanes... the fall moon will then approach with it's harvest setting. When you see the leaves are falling you might want to text your friend and see how see how they are faring loosening those many heart strings!